Christmas Cracker Jokes
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia!
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can 'ho ho ho'!
Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low "elf" esteem!
What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!
What does Santa do with fat elves?
He sends them to an Elf Farm!
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws
What do you call Santa's little helpers?
Subordinate clauses!
What did Santa say to the smoker?
Please don't smoke, it's bad for my elf!
What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
Horn-aments!
Did Rudolph go to school?
No. He was Elf-taught!
What's worse than Rudolph with a runny nose?
Frosty the snowman with a hot flush!
Why did the Rudolph cross the road?
Because he was tied to the chicken!
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because he wasn't chicken!
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite!
What do snowmen where on their heads?
Ice caps!
How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
Deep pan, crisp and even!
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!
How many letters are in the angelic alphabet?
25 The Christmas alphabet has "no L"!
What carol is heard in the desert?
O camel ye faithful!
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can't beat it!
What athlete is warmest in winter?
A long jumper!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinsilitis!
What's the most popular Christmas wine?
'I don't like Brussels sprouts!'
What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?
Nice gnawing you!
What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
Jingle Smells!
Why don't penguins fly?
Because they're not tall enough to be pilots!
What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
::11: